I'd like you to watch the video below.  It's short, I promise.

Okay, first off go dry your eyes.

Now then, this one video holds a lot of meaning for me.  There's the power to help someone in need when we can, and the effect it can have.  But I'm here to focus on the very title of the video and this post.

Words hold more power than most of us realize.  As a writer, I understand this more than most.  What we say, what we post, what we write down in a letter, each word holds great magic in them.  The trick is using them right.

We always hear about how the wrong words can cause unmeasurable harm.  While very true, lost in that is the opposite.  The truth that words can bring just as much good too.  Thus what we say can easily turn someone's moment, mood, even life.

As an author, this is a responsibility I must and do take very seriously.  I often work on not just what to say, but how best to say it.  There's the old mantra "show, don't tell", but it's not always so easy.  How do I show it?  how do I covey the power of the moment to my readers?

You need only look above.  This woman said the same thing, but the way she said it conveyed so much more.  In one sentence, she was able to make a connection.  It triggers an immediate emotion from those who read it.  "You know, it is a nice day isn't it?"  Then they see the rest of it.  Instantly the mind works.  "Wow.  Poor guy.  Must be blind, which means he really can't see or enjoy this wonderful day.  I've got some spare change.  Maybe that will improve his day."  And for those of us watching, we get to see just how selfless and caring this one woman was.

All done in one sentence.

That my friends is awesome writing.  Conveying so much, so fast, and so completely.  And just look what it did!  Real or not, it created a moving moment that's been seen by 20 MILLION people.  Would it have gone that way had she simply dropped him a large check?  I doubt it.  Taken him someplace where he would get cared for?  Maybe, but I again suspect it wouldn't have hit so hard or so well.

Real or not, someone understands the true power words have in our world.  Writers of all kinds understand it.  It's how we do what we do.  But everyone should learn to use that power well.  If it could do that for a single blind man, how much more could we do with it?

We're all mourning the loss of a great entertainer now.  Many feeling some deep emotions connected to it.  I, like many, am finding myself thinking about the roles, lines, and moments from the life of Robin Williams that most resonated with me.

In my case, it's mostly Aladin and Ms. Doubtfire that ring loudest.  In my day-to-day conversations I'll spout a Genie line for humor sake, or to comment on a situation I'm watching in a TV show.  My favorite being when he's trying to help Aladin sweet-talk Jasmine, and when Aladin steps in it (AKA, says the very wrong things), the Genie makes his own comment.

There were a lot of laughs involved, which makes his suicide all the more surprising.  How could someone that, well, nuts, be that far gone?  You'd be surprised.

We'll probably never know for sure what the cause was.  We know he had depression, and battled with addiction, but the full reason will never really be known.  We'll have theories, ideas, people giving their views of his mental state, with varying degrees of validity or trustworthiness.  Sadly, there are those who would offer their view just to get their five minutes of fame.  Though the real reasons will never be known, we can feel pretty sure about some general things.

For whatever reason, he wasn't as happy as he looked.  Something was weighing on him.  Something he didn't feel he could share, or get out from under.  Rehab helped with the addiction, therapy helped the depression, but for whatever reason, it wasn't enough.  Perhaps there were other things he tried we haven't heard of.  Obviously they didn't help enough.  Depending on what he tried, it might have made it worse.

"Still, how could he think ending it was the answer?"

I have.  I've been there, not that long ago.  There was a time I very nearly did the same.  It's a dark place that's actually pretty easy to find yourself in.

"Wait.  You have so much to live for."

Do I?  Let's spend a moment in that dark place.  Well, a fictional one anyway.  The actual dark place I was in would take a blog post all its own to cover, and it was my teen years.  So for now, I'll take real recent events so I can show you how easy it is to fall.

I've had nothing but rejections for several years now.  The one time I did get accepted, the magazine folded before the story was shared.  I tried a Kickstarter so I could self-publish.  Despite many promises of orders, a very small number of people I knew contributed.  I only got $800 out of the $8,000 I needed.  I have tried and failed to find a second or new job so I could be working full-time hours (I currently only work part-time).  My situation is far from ideal, and extremely hard to work through.  My heart and soul is writing, and without it, I'd be nothing.  Yet currently, it seems like my writing is going nowhere.

Faced with all that, it's not hard at all to imagine any person getting greatly discouraged and, yes, even depressed.  Writing is my passion.  More than that, it's everything to me.  I feel very strongly about what I have, as do those who have read it.  Yet I can't seem to get it off the ground.  The current market is making it very hard for me to get that first chance, and there are days where I wonder if I'll ever make it.  One wrong thought along the way, and the path to the worst isn't that slim a chance.

"You could find something else.  Another reason."

Not that easy.  Ask Peyton Manning how he'd feel if he'd fizzled out of the NFL, never become the legend he is now.  I doubt he'd handle it much better.  Pro Football is in his DNA.  Without it, his mind says he wouldn't be anything.

But you're right.  It can be done.  It's just not as easy as "well, plan A won't work, time for plan B".  There's a lot of emotional pressure, valid and not-so-valid, that people are under.  Sometimes it gets to be too much.  With proper support they can get through it, though there are times when even that isn't enough.

We'll never know what it was that sent Robin over the edge.  Looking at him, no one could have seen the turmoil.  But no one ever saw the turmoil in me either.  They saw a young man with everything to live for.  A passion unmatched that could never be stopped.

Little did they know just how close I came.

So, here I sit in a local Starbucks, using their Wi-fi because my home’s AC is on the fritz (in 105 temps by the way), and my internet was washed out by a recent rain storm.  Yes, that is also why this post is early.  Not like I can just pop here every day to do my daily internet rounds.  For one thing, I use the term “local” loosely, seeing as it’s a good 15 minutes from my house.

It’s what I get for living in a small town.  Oh I get the stars at night, full howls from coyotes, a touch of peace I’ve never quite found in the city.  But when things go, the next best option is not exactly down the block.

Makes you wonder doesn’t it?  I remember a time when I myself had an easier time keeping myself busy without the world wide web.  Now, half my options are gone thanks to one little storm that really wasn’t anything special

It’s ironic considering I actually envy the days of old sometimes.  All it took to have a good time was a fiddle, perhaps a couple kids, and a fire to dance around.  No I’m serious.  When was the last time you gathered with friends, family, or neighbors, struck up some music, and just let yourself go nuts?  I never have.  My gatherings are ussualy done around a computer, TV, or X-box.  My best times are spent pouring over the net for research, or staring at a blinking cursor trying to convince the latest story I actually know what I’m doing.  That does not include time spent online with friends who have either moved away, or whom I met on the games I play there.

Guess I’ve grown too close to technology.  It’s not hard to do.  More than a few writers have talked about battling distractions.  I thought I had that under control, now I’m not so sure.  That first day I caught myself wondering what I was going to do with my free time.  I mean, cut off from the net, my options are suddenly more limited.

More limited?  For goodness sake!  “Blood of an Alpha” still needs work, two other stories need plot holes filled, and yet another was just born, which means it needs a world to explore and develop into.  Seems like I have a lot to do.  I just need to pick one.

Though to be fair, it is easy to loose track.  More than a few times what I thought was going to be a “quick break” turned into something longer.  Or even after it, I felt like I didn’t quite have the drive to return.  With my internet down, and for a while by the looks of it, many of those distractions are now out of easy reach.

Apparently just as well.  Woke me up to something I didn’t know needed addressing.  Writing takes time, effort, but more than anything else, its own kind of discipline.  My freshman English teacher called it BIC – Butt In Chair.

Well, my butt has been in a chair, but it needed three more letters.  EOW- Eyes On Work.  Time I remembered that, and got going on it.

Some time ago, I had just put down an amazing novel about a young woman raised by "royal" wolves.  Oh it was great.  Instantly became a favorite of those I'd read so far.  I began following the author, reading more of her work as I found it.  When I went to her website, it was clear she had the same passion for wolves that I did.  So on a whim I decided to share that fact, as well as my feedback on the novel.

Ten years later, Jane Lindskold and I remain strong friends.

I can't believe I only just realized that it has been ten years.  In many ways it's her fault I'm still plugging along.  More than a friendship, she's become a mentor I look up to.  A comrade who's always been there to help me dust myself off when I'm down.  She's never been afraid to say the truth, but she delivers it kindly, so I can hear it better.  She even slapped me across the head once... er... figuratively speaking, without it really being harmful.

Still, it's interesting to me how such a strong bond was formed from something so... I guess the best word is innocent.  It was just a fan letter.  From a young teenager no less.  To think it stood out enough for the correspondence to continue, then develop into something so precious.  Yet all I did was share my thoughts on her book.  That and our shared love of wolves.

And before you think it, the first pages of Luna, the Lone Wolf were written long before I ever heard her name.  Though she did give advice on how to think that helped make it better.

It's curious how so much can be started so easily.  Makes me wonder how many such opportunities I missed.  The person sitting next to me on a bus, or train, or standing next to me while waiting for my fast-food burger.  It's always the simple acts that get things rolling.  You say hello, or compliment someone on their clothes, and suddenly you're off and talking.  At least two of my friends I met because I made a comment on the NFL team whose hat they were wearing.

I feel like I've wandered a bit here.  Then again, in a way that's the point.  Random movements that put us in the path of those we would soon call the closest of friends.  Does make you think, doesn't it?  Not only about the chance meetings yet to come, but also the same warm, fuzzy feelings I've got now.  Good thoughts of how the relationships I hold most dear started.

So how did they start?  Did you forge a bond over something trivial, or unimportant?  Maybe all you did was say hello in line.  Maybe, that's how you met your spouse!  Think on it, and share if you don't mind.  Be rather neat to hear other tales of little nothings that turned into big somethings.

I was spending time with a friend the other day.  We were enjoying the company, talking about this and that, at least when I wasn't getting lessons on my strokes.

"Strokes?"

Oh yeah, I'm finally learning how to swim.  I know, at my age, what took so long, right?  That's another post entirely.

Anyway, the conversation touched on regrets, and I realized, I can't think of any.

Since then I've tried, and I still can't come up with any true regrets.  A couple of minor "I wish I hadn't bought that trinket" kind of things that barely count.  A part of me has even expressed a desire to have learned how to swim at a much younger age.  Would have made so many swim parties so much more enjoyable.

Then again, some of those failed purchases also don't quite count, because they stand as reminders for me to be careful.  The things I buy are not guaranteed to be what I expected, or even to last.  Because of those bad buys, I've learned to be more selective, and to really, truly THINK about why I want something.  Many other not-so-good decisions do the same.  As for swimming, I did all right without it, and who knows what it allowed me to do or kept me from doing that were for the best.

In this way, other things that come to mind are more curiosities than real regrets.  Choices that changed how things went in my life.  For example: In high school I had a chance to take a tour on the U.S.S. Nimitz.  For those who don't know, that's one of the U.S. Navy's most famous and prestigious air-craft carriers.  It's one of those ships that, if you're an enemy, you don't want coming your way.  It was also nice timing as I was in the trenches of my early writing.  Remember that sci-fi I mentioned last time?  I was working on it's early incarnation back then.  Since my characters were stationed on a carrier, it was the perfect chance to see what a real one looked like, so that I could adopt some parts for my interstellar version.

However, the day of the trip, a miscommunication on a question I had made me think it was going to be run quite horribly.  Something I wouldn't enjoy or get much out of.  I decided against going.

Since then I've wondered, what if I had gone anyway?  What would it have changed?  Is it better that I didn't go?  Did I miss out on something that would have helped?  I'll never know.  But I'm fine with what happened.  It taught me to be a bit more clear on my questions, and be sure I get the question I'm asking answered.  So in that, it was worth it.

And that's really where my "regrets" fall.  Even with my Kickstarter, I find myself in the same boat.  Should I have not launched it?  I mean, I spent a lot of money to get the word out there about it.  I got nothing from it though.

And yet, I did get something from it.  The art would not have been done, or if it were, not by the same artist most likely.  Would Estrella have come out as amazingly as she did?  It also spurred other conversations that are on the verge of proving amazingly helpful.  I got practice doing readings, and I gotta say, the second one went extremely well.  True I didn't get enough sales to make a difference, but at least I know when the time comes, I'll be okay in that area.  In addition, I've more than doubled my readership here.

So do I regret the effort?  No.  I wonder about it.  Should I have waited?  Could I have done things differently?  I ask in curiosity, but regret?  No.  So far it's all added pieces to what will be in time.  I can't see the final shape yet, but I'd be willing to bet what I learned from the Kickstarter will have an impact.

So if I had to do it again, I don't think I'd change a thing.

I'm curious.  Any of you feel the same way?  I don't need details.  Just wondering if you have things that went not quite according to plan you

Over the last few days, I've gotten a slew of well wishes, pick-me-up messages, and overall voices of concern over the Kickstarter failing.  Some are asking if I'm okay.  Others telling me not to stop trying.  One quoting one of my own character's favorite tag-lines (see image to the left).  I gotta say, it's quite touching.  I mean that.  To have so many expressing their feelings about, well, my feelings, it's nice to see.  So thank you.

There's no cause for alarm though.  This is far from the end.  I've quoted the Last Lecture before, but I'll do so again.  "The walls are there to test how much you want things."

Let's face it, the wall I'm looking at now is a pretty big one.  It doesn't change anything.  I'll find a way around it.  I don't know how yet.  Between a rather aggressive stomach flu and the failed Kickstarter, I decided to take a couple days to find my head, much less screw it back on, before I did anything.  I'm reaching that state now, so hopefully I'll have a game plan by Monday.

And it's not like the work is all for naught.  I still have the commissioned art coming in, so that gives me some options.  "Luna, the Lone Wolf" is finished, or as finished as I can make it.  Work on "Blood of an Alpha" is moving fast.  I have short stories I could fix up, and they might lead to something.  I have a sci-fi that I thought had a final draft, but now realize it needs serious world building help, which means it can only get better.  I have two fantasy stories I haven't delved into (yet).  Then there's the wild card I haven't thought of, whatever that may be.

So really, I cannot say enough how much I appreciate the messages I've been getting.  I also hope you all know, you needn't worry.  The blog will continue for one.  My efforts on getting published will too for another.  That doesn't count the continuing work on "Blood of an Alpha".  "Luna, the Lone Wolf" will be published.  By my original date of September 2015?  Stranger things have happened to me.

Still, thank you.  It means a lot to know I have people who care.  I hope to reward your words of encouragement soon.  For now, I leave you with the same words one of you reminded me of.

"Have a little faith."

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

A recent episode of Castle had a long list of things, well, going wrong.  One character felt it was a sign, that what they were doing wasn't meant to be.  But another quickly stepped up and said quite the opposite.  That it means what they're doing is worth fighting for.  That the other person wasn't looking at it in the right light.

Instantly I was reminded of another episode, this one from Babylon 5.  The poor guy had earned the name "Jynxo".  Why?  Well, he had worked on every Babylon station, and every time he left, something bad happened to the station.  The first three were destroyed soon after he left during construction, the 4th vanished altogether once it was completed.  So he and others were convinced if he ever left Babylon 5, it too would go boom.

When explaining this to another person, the man said simply, "I think they gave you the wrong nick-name.  They should have called you 'lucky'.  To have avoided disaster so many times."

Jynxo replied, "I never thought of it that way."

"We never do."

Now think about that for a second.  How often do we look for the signs against, for the negative trend?  I bet you'll find the man is right.  We never think of it as something other than a reason to stop, or fear.

Not sure we can blame ourselves.  Life has a way of throwing its worst at us.  We find a wall, and every time we get close to get past it, the wall grows bigger, thicker, wider, whatever, to keep us at bay.  Not sure I can blame anyone for turning around after the tenth time almost doing it, only to be turned aside.

Yet, one line won't go away.  It's from that famous professor, you know, "The Last Lecture" guy.  He said something in that lecture that stuck with me.  "The walls are there to test how much we want things."

I've faced a lot of walls in my journey to publication.  If my Kickstarter fails, I'll have a massive one to face.  Yet, none of them have stopped me yet.  I want it too much.  And I don't see it as a sign to give up.  I see it a reason to keep fighting.  For one thing, it's a story on its own-right.  A tale to tell friends and family I don't yet have about the things I faced.

But a reason to stop?  I've thought about it.  There have been times I don't want to keep on fighting.  They don't last long.  The period of writer's block will inevitably fade, one way or another.

So I would say this; the next time you're facing wall after wall, ask yourself how much you want it.  Actually, first ask yourself how you're looking at it.  Would you call yourself "Lucky", or "Jynxo"?  Why?

The answers might lead you down a road to renewed vigor, and the will to keep going anyway.

Just because I have "Luna, the Lone Wolf" ready for editing and publication does not mean I'm idle.  I have other ideas tucked away, and when I need to get out of Luna's head for a while, I do some work on those.  In particular, I've been doing research on my fantasy worlds yet to be born.

I've been having trouble getting the tech side of things down.  Perfecting the tools and equipment my worlds use.  So, instead of pridefully marching on, I asked an accomplished fantasy author, and dear friend, for any tips she might have on how to guide my research.  This was the response.

“I suggest you start with something light but thoughtful: Diana Wynne Jone's book The Tough Guide to Fantasy Land.  It's set up like a travel book and, if you read between the lines, includes a lot of information on the mistakes people make.

Just remember.  Every single item you have implies an industry behind it.  Even something as simple as a clay pot tells you something about geology, ecology, cultural needs etc.  A sword implies not only a source of iron, but the knowledge of how to work iron, the materials to burn to get a hot enough fire etc.

Hope this gets you thinking.”

Get me thinking?  I had a map of flight plans that would overwhelm LAX!  I never thought about it from that angle, but it makes total sense.  If they know how to make high end and/or highly complex metal works, they must be quite advanced in that field.  Heck, just their underwear could speak volumes about the world.  Think about that.  You’re unmentionables are an indication of the world you live in?

Okay, be honest, how many of you just went looking into your underwear drawer, or down at your waist, thinking about what you’re wearing at the moment.  Now now, don’t be shy.  I did too.  It’s incredible, yet so true.  Every little thing is an indication of the world.

That’s what helps a world live.  I've talked before about making a world real, but never about exactly how to pull it off before.  Oh there's plenty to worry about.  Culture, characters, places, events, politics, but it's the little things that matter.  The tricorder in Star Trek.  They needed the tech and materials to make it work, which affects all the technology they use.  "Sting" from the Lord of the Rings books.  It still had to be crafted, and infused with whatever magic makes it glow.  Even the saddle the king's army of whatever uses.  How it's made speaks to how good... or bad, their crafting is.  They had to know how to make these things, and make them do what they do.

Magic isn't an excuse either.  They still had to know how to do it.  You can't just go off and say, "oh with the proper spell they can bend metal to their will".  No.  Magneto from X-men still has to know metal CAN do whatever he wants it to before he can make it do it.

Okay, it's going to mean a lot of effort.  The moment someone pulls out a compass, you have a whole slew of science you have to ask if your world knows.  You'd be surprised how much that simplest of devices could affect your world.  Just how much do they understand about why it works?  What else could they do with that knowledge?

Yeah, it's a lot of work.  But then at the same time, it gives you more options too.   Perhaps your main character invented the compass, and is able to use what he knows somewhere else to surprise the bad guys.  You see how that works?  Every detail matters.  Every piece gives you insight into what can or cannot be done.  You gotta define the box before you can think out side of it.

Just don't forget those undies!  There's nothing worse than wet stuff trickling down your hero's leg during his climatic sword battle with the big bad leader dude in black armor.

Wait!  What kind of armor?  What weapons?  You sure they know how to make all of it?  What else could they make with that level of technology?  Does it give your hero an advantage somehow?

*Hands out aspirin*  You're welcome.

In case you don't already know, come May 1st, I'll be launching a Kickstarter campaign to raise funds so I can self-publish "Luna, the Lone Wolf".  Really it's as much a pre-order as it is contributing, as even the lower options will net you an e-book copy of the novel.

My topic today is not about that, but more what has brought me here.  I've been looking back, wondering why this didn't happen sooner.  Why did it take so long for me to get here?  I had the story.  I had the talent.  What was I missing back then?

As I look back, I realize, quite a bit.

Just in the last four years alone I've matured and grown into someone more ready to handle all that I'm going through.  Not just the rigors of self-publishing, but everything I'm doing at the moment.  And that leads me down a road that, if you'll forgive some back and forth, I can trace a great many paths to.

Did you know you could turn Photoshop CS animation into video?  I didn't for sure, until I went on Google looking to see how I could.  Rewind to high-school, and I needed a certain type of class.  I don't remember what the requirement was, though I think it had something to do with fine arts.  Whatever it was, I decided to go for ROP Digital Image and Design to meet it.  In other words, Photoshop CS training.  I learned quite a bit, and discovered a strong interest in the field.  My teacher said I had a talent, but the drive never quite developed beyond a passing idea here and there, most of it for some game I was playing.

But a number of times, I used my skills to make good things.  Via this occasional practice, my skills improved.  Enough that I not only made my own cover and bookmarks, but was able to turn Photoshop animation into a pretty darn good video for the Kickstarter.

Ah but visuals aren't enough.  I need good music and other sound bites beyond just me talking.  Enter the 2009 football season.

We couldn't afford to go to all the games that year, and mom was missing it pretty bad.  So I decided I'd put together a special day for one home game that I would call "The best seats not at the Q". (Q is short for Qualcom Stadium, home of the Chargers.)  My biggest regret is I didn't record a video as if it were a special prize won at the stadium.

Anyway, I went so far as to set up lights around the TV screen (when the Chargers score, lights blink around the jumbo-tron).  With my Photoshop skills, I made tickets that looked like the real ones, but each seat number and location was where we usually sat at home (love seat, middle couch, ect.).  But I needed one more element.  Sound bites.  I had everything: Intro music, kickoff music, scores, bad calls, couple of random songs, even the cannon!  (They shoot a revolution era type cannon for every score.)  That took sound editing, which I had no training for.  Didn't matter.  It all sounded awesome, and mom was enormously touched.

Fast forward to three years ago, and while playing Perfect World International (an online MMO), I decided I'd have enough of the terrible music for Territory.  It was most definitely NOT battle music.  So I went looking, found a tune I liked, did a little editing so it could loop without sounding just as bad, and BAM, I have my battle music.

These skills have been used to edit music and sounds for the Kickstarter video.

Still, if I'm going to be successful, I need the book to be the best it can be.  (I'll skip the Army jokes.)  If I'm going to self-publish, I'll need a content editor I can trust and work with.  Back we go to 2004, when I begin a by-mail writing course through the Long Ridge Writer's Group.

It's just what it sounds like.  It taught me a number of things about the craft, but it also lead to me meeting Mary Rosenblum, my instructor.  It was clear early on that I could work with her, though I wasn't thinking about that at the time.  After completing the course, I stayed in contact via online forums where writers of various skill levels gather.

When I decided to go self-publishing, I knew I wanted a good content editor to help me.  I soon learned Mary provides those services, and for less than the norm!  She's now going to be my content editor.

I could go on, but I think that's enough.  The point is, I didn't sit around and do nothing.  As I look back, I see where I went out, tried things, made an effort.  As my life is (hopefully) about to take a major turn, I see the fruits of all those labors.  Photoshop, audio editing, content editor, writing training, I needed it all.  Now I'm ready to use it!

Being a Christian, I like to think God guided me to these decisions, and the many parts that have prepared me for this time.  However, I try to keep religion to a minimum here out of respect for any who don't share my beliefs.  I'm a writer, not a preacher.

I can't help remembering that quote from "Cowboys of Moo Mesa".  I mentioned it once before, but here's a reminder.

"Even if you're not on the right track, if you just sit there, yer gonna get run over."

Believe me.  I've had some wrong tracks in my life too.

Carpentry?  Didn't loose any fingers.  Stand-up comic?  Not my brightest moment.  Acting?  I MIGHT make extra.  Ceramics?  Let's not go there.

Just to name a few.

But I kept trying, exploring, testing.  Parts that seemed insignificant are starting to bloom.  Who knew my little dabble into audio editing would allow me to do so well with something as important as my Kickstarter video?  Even the acting, as bad as it was, might have prepared me for talking in front of a camera.

I guess my point is to not treat life lightly.  As I always say, take life by the horns, and make it work for you.  I did, and I'm on the verge of breaking into a realm that both scares and excites me.  I'm well on my way to self-publishing "Luna, the Lone Wolf".

"But the Kickstarter may fail.  Then what?"

I'll find another way.  I have plenty to work with even if it does.  Might take longer, but it'll happen.

And who knows.  Perhaps it failing is something that will be important in a few years.  You're right.  There's a respectable chance it won't succeed.  Is that a reason to not try?  Nope.  Just a reason to try my best to help it not fail.  The rest is yet to be determined.

Life is a long journey.  I don't know where it's going.  Yet as I look back, and see the trail as it weaves and catches up with me, I know this; Everything I've done has lead to this.  Am I done with "Luna"?  Probably not.

That's what makes life worth living.